"When I woke up this morning, I got myself a beer;
Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer;
The future's uncertain, and the end is always near …"
THE DOORS would be horrified to know they don't serve alcohol at the grand final breakfast.
The NRL should strongly consider it. Or LSD. Then Fox Sports compere Andy Raymond's jokes might go down better than they did at 7.45am yesterday.
"There's a message from the kitchen for Brian Waldron from chefs Ayliffe, Williams and Britt: 'Enjoy your breakfast'."
It was a meek reference to the judiciary members who are taking legal action over a spray the Storm boss and coach Craig Bellamy delivered last week that attracted a $50,000 fine and has reverberated right through this week. Seriously, you could hear the traffic on Pitt Street.
So, too, when host Warren Smith asked Manly captain Matt Orford if his side had dosed up on calves' blood this week. If you didn't know any better, you'd have thought Cameron Smith had lunged out of his seat and grappled Des Hasler, such was the look on the coach's face.
Maybe the lack of comedy explained why some observers were convinced Storm prop Adam Blair looked suspiciously as though he had nodded off up on the stage, on live television, before a ballroom loaded with guests with nothing to drink but water and coffee. Thankfully, the players have not lost their sense of humour in the lead-up to the match of their lives. When grand final referee Tony Archer marched past the line of Sea Eagles, Manly forward Brent Kite reached out and shook his hand.
Can there be any dispute that the traditional grand final breakfast has run its race? Can there be any dispute that it's time for an NRL grand final parade? The NRL has done its best to drag the game into the city during the centenary season celebrations, including the rare exercise of barging a massive replica of the premiership trophy across the harbour.
Only the sight of Pope Benedict XVI arriving for World Youth Day celebrations could rival a floating version of Norm Provan and Arthur Summons. Clubs have long resisted following the AFL's lead and the NSW Events Committee has hardly embraced it. Yet who could deny that on a day like the one produced by the old girl that is Sydney yesterday George Street would have been packed with fans and non-fans alike?
Because the breakfast was a tad too dry, no more so than when NRL chief executive David Gallop handed Waldron a giant cheque for $100,000 for the Storm winning the minor premiership. You were half expecting Gallop to tear it in half. To his credit, Waldron accepted the cheque and JJ Giltinan Shield with humility.
After the breakfast, some NRL officials were half expecting Bellamy to use the Melbourne press conference to apologise to the judiciary. It wasn't forthcoming, alas, probably because an apology would have been an admission of guilt and the writs would have landed on the front step of the team hotel at Coogee before their bus returned.
You also sense it would've been a hollow one, anyway. Instead, a stone-faced Bellamy would only say: "We're happy with how our preparation's gone this week."
If only he had risen to his feet and let it all out …
"Let it roll, baby, roll;
Let it roll, baby, roll;
Let it roll, baby, roll;
Let it roll, ahhhhhh,
all night long."
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